It’s been long! Not as long as the Actress said to the Bishop!

I normally become preoccupied with the idea of writing something and then I blog. Recently, I posted about Trouble: that wasn’t an idea, that was a steamroller that hit me. So I shared my feelings which is some sort form of cathartic healing.

It may have helped but, as the firework season explodes towards the legal day of happening, I feel very happy that she is sleeping through this one. Whilst I don’t often verbalise my conversations with her, I still send thought talk. A bit like Bishop Ambrose, the first recorded person to read without moving his lips. I don’t feel like to admitting these conversations that I have – I am not sure that I aim them to others apart from myself and Trouble. But if any friends are having weird thoughts concerning me, own up!

My current random thought is about Christmas. Obviously as a child, or as a parent with children, it was special. However, with grown up kids, I hate commercialism and thereby hate modern day Christmas. I live alone on a rock, many leagues from family and shopping malls, although surrounded by friends. So I should be in the right place.

I received one present this year, and I thought it a wonderful selection of wine. I bought no presents so feel slightly guilty in recieving one.

For a Bah Humburg/ Grinch person, this should have been the perfect Christmas for me. As a non believer, troubled by political ruckus over the place of Jerusalem and the “God fearing nation” who once were a religious sanctuary from my home country and also described as the Great Satan, the time should have brought a greater peace. But it didn’t. No ceasefire from extremism.

I live on a rock, where extreme things can pass by us like the hurricanes. But they cause effect such as wind reversals (which can ground yachts), stealing our wind and leaving us sweaty or even giving us rain.

So Christmas affected me. I got what I felt I needed. There was a big hole however. I really missed my family!

If I was there, I would have no place to host them, they are all grown up and have to visit their in laws and extended family. I would have just been a guest, perhaps honoured in some else’s house. So what I missed is probably a dream.

But I am really humbled and feel so wrong. A very dear member of the family passed over the Christmas period. He was not young but his years of life on this planet just accumulated love and respect. So in his 90’s he had quite some love. Perhaps, he chose this time of year, surrounded by all his family, who all dearly loved him, to pass on.

Maybe I don’t need to believe in Christmas, I just need to believe more in family.

Thank You John!